November 23rd.

I said I'd never forget your face
Vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life, my last regret.
Memories Fade Like Photographs - All Time Low
Sorta the song of the day, but it's not going away either.

A year ago was the happiest day of my life.
It feels like so much has changed, and so much has happened, but some things are still concrete.
I wonder if I'm the only one thinking about it. I don't which is scarier, that I am or I might not be.

"You is nosing, you is!"

I ask a lot of questions. Sometimes they can be rude, or sound demanding, or about things that are really none of my business. This definitely makes me sound nosy, and I sort of am, but not for usual reasons. I don't take private things people tell me and spread them around. I don't hold thoughts friends tell me in their moments of vulnerability and use them as a weapon. I keep secrets that aren't mine to tell. It's always fun to know gossip, but I don't dig and pry to get all up in grills. I ask because I want to understand. There's mysteries in everyone; stuff to complex for them to even know yet. I want to unravel these. I always want to know what's going on in the head in front of me, why they do what they, what they're thinking. My level of interest varies depending who it is, but it's almost always there. I don't have horrible ulterior motives when I ask questions about people's lives, I just want to try to piece things together in my own head. So if anyone I know ever reads this, I'm sorry for sounding rude. It's all in my quest for knowledge.

Gravity

Gravity is working against me,
and gravity wants to bring me down.

The day's song.

I feel like there's so many responsibilities sometimes, and none the next. The determination to clean and do homework and plan for my future flares like a spark one minute, and is out like the proverbial light the next. I feel like I take on so much, and don't up doing it, or just not seeing the fruits of my labour. Sometimes I feel a masochistic pride in thinking that I'm running myself into the ground; I take on things because when a challenge is offered to me, I can't say no. I know I can't always be the best, but I need to be good. I want to be the one that can do it all, the one people go to and can rely on. Do I have a need to prove myself? Maybe. But not to anyone else, only to me.

Perspective

Lately, school has been so ridiculous. It seems like there's so much homework and projects and all that, but actual class time is such a waste, we don't do anything. Assignments that have potential to be interesting turn out to be annoying work, and the point of them gets lost in the shuffle. We were given an assignment for sociology to interview a stay-at-home mom, and a career mom, and compare them. I thought, great, I'm going to have to randomly talk to people, I have no time, etc., all the complaints I usually make. But today I actually conducted the interviews, and I learned a lot. I saw two opposite perspectives, but with the same virtues and qualities that all mothers possess. It was amazing to be spoken to and treated like an adult, and discuss such mature concepts. The first interviewee, I could see her devotion to her family, and it was touching. I understood exactly where she was coming from, and I felt like I could put myself in her shoes. My other interviewee was inspiring. Her whole life she's worked, and the way she describes mixing it with her family was so committed, and she spoke so passionately. This is one of the only things I've ever done for school that has actually opened my eyes to something in the real world, and although he may never see it, I actually thank my teacher for giving the chance.
I can't really articulate what I want to say here, and unfortunately that happens a lot.

On a lighter note, me and Lindsay started the first of what I hope to be many dinners, woo! IGA and cooking, what more can you want. First taken by me, second two taken by her. Yeah, we're that cool.

The Beauty

There's those days where you run into an asshole, or forget your homework, or spill on your clothes. They make you hate the world, and just have bad thoughts towards everything in it. The things that aren't more talked about, are the days where one appreciates the world. A time when you look around and see the beauty in a falling leaf, or a child on a swing, or one blooming flower. Me, I do this every day. At least once a day I'm outside, and I always notice these things. The wonder of the world's everyday miraculous creations fill me with awe, make me feel small and at the same time like I'm part of it. Today as I was walking to work, the sun had already begun to set. The fall air was crisp, and it was just so beautiful outside I couldn't stop marvelling all around me. Usually these moods are influenced by a song, and today when I remembered the beauty I was listening to Gravity Rides Everything by Modest Mouse. It makes me sad that people nowadays don't notice these small things that make up the beautiful bigger picture, but hopefully there are people out there who get what I'm talking about.

Soooooo.

I created this blog in January, as part of a school assignment. I randomly thought of it again tonight and checked it out. I decided, I sort of want to start this up again. I deleted all the old posts, which are always horrible to look back on. My layout is sorta messed, so I just wasted pretty much an hour trying to fix it, not doing homework. Hopefully I can somehow dig up the original layout one day again.

So, blogging. I never really understood the world of blogging. Do people really want to hear me talk about whatever it is I talk about? If I don't tell people to find me, how can they? Can you actually get famous bloggers like famous youtubers? I always thought it was sort of silly. But lately I've been thinking, I'm feeling sort of creative, nothing structured or sensical or good at all, but I'd still like a place to record it all. Somewhere I can talk about my day, write down lyrics, include a picture or two. I have a Flickr, where I'm currently trying to post a picture a day, I'll include the link sometime. Maybe my answer is blogging.

To start: right now I'm listening to the Edge, my favourite station. Have been for the last 3 hours, and Thursday 30 just started, which is fantastic. This station plays everything I love, and this afternoon played a Matthew Good song that's been in my head the last week constantly, Last Parade. Seeing him in December!

I probably shouldn't spend too much time on this, gotta do some homework. That's the useless thing about trying to find online sources for an essay at home, so darn distracting. Hopefully I can get it all done tonight, maybe spend more time trying to fix all this up!