You know you're not a kid anymore when the time comes and you don't have an advent calendar.

So sad.
I sorta feel like this is defining year between childhood and becoming an adult. There's stuff I used to love and haven't had time to do, and then there's all the new stuff I never used to do.

This post has a whole bunch of stuff. It's like my online diary, I swear.

First, adding to my other post, I've realized people can talk about themselves for an extraordinarily long time. Not just being egotistical, but because that's what they're sure about, what they know about. And if they're like me, they wanna see what other people think of what they do. Maybe that's just me being naive, I dunno. I prefer to think of it that way. When people do talk that way, I love hearing it. I'm working on not interrupting with my own life story, because I usually want to hear theirs. It goes back my thing how I don't like gossip because it's fun to cackle over, I like it because of the insight you can get it.

Speaking of gossip, I recently heard about someone who ditched another someone for a third someone else. A whole lot of betrayal and hurt and all that fun stuff there. What I wanna know is, why? What makes people act like that? It seems really horrible to me, but maybe it's just because I haven't been there. On the other hand, there's some really low things that I just cannot get over. Some people are honestly, just so mean. There's no other word for it. Inconsiderate, selfish, cruel, all rolled into one. I guess that's a part of life, but I wish that people, especially kids my age, could see how they hurt people when they act so selfishly.

The main thing that came into my head today that I wanted to jot down was music. I hear people proclaim that music is their life, need it to live, yadda yadda. I used to think that was an overreaction. Sure music is great, but I don't see how it runs your life. I just did not understand the drive, but now I'm thinking I do. In the past couple months I've uncovered so many songs that fit my mood exactly, or help get me out of a mood, or that I can completely relate to. Some are songs I've known for a while and now are just seeing in a new light, and some I've stumbled upon and immediately fell in love with These songs make up a part of my life, because they describe things I've lived through. I don't really know how to express it better than that. The song I mentioned before, Memories Fade Like Photographs, falls into the category. A song that I've listened to before maybe once a year ago or something, I listened to a few days ago, and it's been playing in my head constantly, like the others. Gravity did that, too. But these two, and all the others, are in different ways for the messages they convey. My song is Hold Me Down by Motion City Soundtrack.

I found a letter that said:
"I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down,"
You'd think I'd ought to be used to that by now.
Save for a few of those late night episodes,
Missed opportunities, and "I Don't Cares,"
There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about.

I'll have my brother stop by this Saturday to pick up my things,
Just make sure you're not there.
This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way..
I love you, however,
You hold me down.

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
How will I break the news to you?

Cancel our dinner with Max and Coraline,
feed Jacky's gerbil and try to stay clean.
We'll talk it over after I've had some time alone to sort it out.
You hold me down.

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..
How will I break the news to you?

The last paragraph is one of my favourite parts, simply because of the words created phrases that I feel but never could have articulated myself. Another favourite line is the last two, in the second last paragraph. I get the feeling that this guy is going over everything that has happened, and it's all a spinning blur, and the words "you hold me down" are the main ones that keep jumping out at him. Dunno if that's what it's meant to be, but that's my interpretation, and that's what matters right?

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind for the past couple days. Songs like this will probably come and go and be posted up here and analyzed and the like, but I don't think I can ever truly convey what they mean to me at the right moment.